It's something to consider, I guess. It would be nice to explore new worlds. But at the same time, I would feel awful if I brought the Rash to a new world.
[They're dancing around an uncomfortable truth Tuuri has been battling with since the day they all arrived. Normally she can scoot the conversation away from it. And knowing Zel, she probably could just accept his assertion here and talk about something else. If neither of them say the truth out loud then it can't get to her, right? Like it's some boogeyman that can only be summoned by saying it's name.
'Why are you trying so hard? You have nothing to go back to except a more painful death.'
For a very brief moment, Tuuri gets a heavy look in her eyes. Like she's carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, and she can't let someone else carry that burden for her.
But as she reaches over to scratch at her left shoulder, she forces a smile on her face. It's an obvious lie, but Zel is already asking her to lie here, so.]
[She hears that tone, and she sees that face, and it makes that pain in her chest tighten just a bit more.
It's fine, everything's fine, it'll all be fine. That's the mantra she's been using to get through everything up to this point. It becomes harder to keep to with every trial that passes, but somehow she's holding onto it. For now.
"I'm scared of double-dying here, because it means either being killed by someone I've come to care for or being executed in a horrible way." It's fine.
"I really do like you, but if I tell you then that's just going to leave you with the pain when we end up separated at the end of all of this." Everything's fine.
"No matter how everything turns out, I'm still either going to stay here or end up dying within a few weeks of going back." It'll all be fine.
She bites down on her lip for a moment to steady herself. No crying here, there's nothing to cry about! It's all going to be just fine.
Everything's. Fine.
She manages to keep a smile on her face, thinking it won't betray the turmoil within her.]
[Admitting to being hurt or afraid? That's something she hasn't done in a long, long time.]
...it feels wrong of me to complain like that. Comparatively, things aren't so bad for me. And...I don't think it'd be good, for people to worry needlessly about me.
[She's going to die no matter what happens. The only difference is 'when' and 'where'. She can't burden people with that.]
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2023-03-05 05:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-03-05 05:27 am (UTC)[...
He stops himself.]
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Date: 2023-03-05 05:40 am (UTC)Zel?
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Date: 2023-03-05 05:46 am (UTC)... That wouldn't happen.
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Date: 2023-03-05 05:55 am (UTC)'Why are you trying so hard? You have nothing to go back to except a more painful death.'
For a very brief moment, Tuuri gets a heavy look in her eyes. Like she's carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, and she can't let someone else carry that burden for her.
But as she reaches over to scratch at her left shoulder, she forces a smile on her face. It's an obvious lie, but Zel is already asking her to lie here, so.]
Yeah. I wouldn't let it happen. It'll be fine.
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Date: 2023-03-05 07:12 am (UTC)But she's here now, and she's alive and she's even smiling. That's the present reality. It's tempting to leave it at that. And yet...]
Tuuri...
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Date: 2023-03-05 02:44 pm (UTC)It's fine, everything's fine, it'll all be fine. That's the mantra she's been using to get through everything up to this point. It becomes harder to keep to with every trial that passes, but somehow she's holding onto it. For now.
"I'm scared of double-dying here, because it means either being killed by someone I've come to care for or being executed in a horrible way." It's fine.
"I really do like you, but if I tell you then that's just going to leave you with the pain when we end up separated at the end of all of this." Everything's fine.
"No matter how everything turns out, I'm still either going to stay here or end up dying within a few weeks of going back." It'll all be fine.
She bites down on her lip for a moment to steady herself. No crying here, there's nothing to cry about! It's all going to be just fine.
Everything's. Fine.
She manages to keep a smile on her face, thinking it won't betray the turmoil within her.]
It's okay, I'm fine. See?
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Date: 2023-03-05 04:02 pm (UTC)[She's here and she's fine.
....... but...]
When I listen to you talk about the things you're hopeful about... I feel like I can believe them, too.
But you don't always have to be... I mean, if you're hurting or afraid, I'll listen to those things too.
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Date: 2023-03-05 04:37 pm (UTC)[Admitting to being hurt or afraid? That's something she hasn't done in a long, long time.]
...it feels wrong of me to complain like that. Comparatively, things aren't so bad for me. And...I don't think it'd be good, for people to worry needlessly about me.
[She's going to die no matter what happens. The only difference is 'when' and 'where'. She can't burden people with that.]
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Date: 2023-03-05 04:51 pm (UTC)... I want to help you. I can't do that if you don't talk about it.
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Date: 2023-03-05 05:17 pm (UTC)...can we just sit together for a bit then? That would help a lot.
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Date: 2023-03-05 05:36 pm (UTC)[there's probably a couch or something they can sit on here.]
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Date: 2023-03-05 05:57 pm (UTC)She is going to rest her head against Zel's shoulder once they're situated too.]
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Date: 2023-03-05 06:18 pm (UTC)Zelgadis closes his eyes and lets the moments pass in peace.]